


Eight Times Captain Nick Medhurst Failed to Seduce Bird, and One Time He Succeeded

by keerawa



Category: Bluestone 42 (TV)
Genre: Afghanistan, British Comedy, British Military, Dialogue-Only, F/M, Humor, Military, Misses Clause Challenge, Pre-Series, Soldiers, Women in the Military
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-03 03:32:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2836478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keerawa/pseuds/keerawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Medhurst isn't the first officer to try to get into Bird's pants, but he's definitely the most persistent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eight Times Captain Nick Medhurst Failed to Seduce Bird, and One Time He Succeeded

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Framlingem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Framlingem/gifts).



> [Bluestone 42](http://www.hulu.com/bluestone-42) is a realistic black comedy about a British bomb disposal team in Afghanistan. It's the best TV show no one's watching. Check it out!

*************

"That's right, Captain. I'm not actually a highly trained ECM operator assigned to your unit. I'm really a stripper. Your mates had a whip round and hired me to peel out of my BDUs for your birthday. Whenever the fuck that is. Prat." 

*************

"Are you one of those officers who doesn't take no for an answer? Because I've met a few of those. In fact, there was a lieutenant at my last posting, thought he was God's gift to any woman in uniform. Got sent home in a body bag the first time he made contact with the enemy. Real shame, that."

"No, you go right ahead and keep trying. I could use a laugh."

*************

"Seriously, you're trying to wine and dine me with a Flake bar?"

"Oh no, I'm keeping the Flake bar."

*************

"If that line's worked for you in the past, you must have something serious under the hood to make it worth a girl's while. Go on then, let's have a look."

"Your junk. Take it out, let me see what's on offer."

"Well, that's a bit disappointing, isn't it? I hope you're a grower, but even so, I've got three different vibrators back in my tent that would put that to shame."

*************

"Oh my God, how are you this socially retarded? Did your Daddy send you to some posh all-boys boarding school where you never said two words to a girl you weren't trying to shag?"

"That explains a lot, actually."

*************

"No, I do not need to 'work off the adrenaline'. Do you have any idea what you smell like after four hours in that suit?" 

*************

"No, I'm not on my knees for that, boss. I'm just trying to get your boots off. I swear, I should take you up on it – you're too tired to get it up. Right, lay down. Get a few hours' sleep. And, Nick? It wasn't your fault." 

*************

"You know what? Fine. Fuck it. Yes. Let's do it. We're both on leave next week. You bring the beer, and I mean proper beer, none of that lentil shite. I'll bring the condoms and my duffle of sex toys, in case you have performance issues. Let's get this over with so we can talk about something else for once, Christ." 


End file.
